ETHOS

By Paul Pennington

As a critic of most things, I find myself shaking my head a whole lot. Thusly, I would like to introduce my first installment of the Shaking My Head Awards more commonly known as the SMH’s (get it lol, lmao, gtg…smh?). This post is actually inspired by Melissa Harris-Lacewell’s “John Brown Awards”, which coincidentally put her on the list…well done. These individuals and entities have been awarded an SMH not because I hate them or dislike them, but simply because they have recently made me shake my head in disappointment and/or utter disbelief. Sometimes I laugh afterwards and sometimes I die a little bit afterwards. Either way I applaud you all for the incomprehensible moments of absolute bewilderment that you all have provided me; leaving me to just…shake my head.

Melissa Harris-Lacewell

As noted your “John Brown Awards” are given to “white me who are down for the cause.” So far, so good. After all there’s nothing wrong with giving out awards to deserving individuals. However, giving John Edwards a “John Brown award” is like giving Ward Connerly, the “Nat Turner Award” around his work for racial uplift and commitment to the Left. Now I do appreciate the fact that you started the piece noting that it was “unauthorized” and “likely to be rejected and denounced” which takes away any anger I would have held. That does not however negate the fact that you did this…I suppose that I am no better than you either considering I am responding, albeit facetiously. But I still have to shake my head on this one Professor.

Sidenote: You also told Adolph Reed to get some “hope” because he may “Sitting this one out” based on the fact that he has not found a candidate worth his vote. Listen, some people like to vote for concrete political changes and others like to vote for abstract “change.” I believe we know where both you and Professor Reed stand on this one. That, within itself gets you an honorable mention, at the very least. This also leads to the fact that you seem to be under the impression that an Obama Presidency means we (the homogeneous black community) all got into the White House. Also I’m pretty sure you may be a bit confused or at least a little high off of that Obama smoke considering you keep making all of these references to Obama as if he has already won the election…Thanks Marc Lamont Hill for being the voice of reason (not sipping the kool-aid). Despite all of this I still find you quite attractive ever since you came into my Dyson “class” during my freshman year…not trying to be sexist…but I just thought you should know. I would also appreciate it if you would just brush me off as a silly “hater” with a crush and not ether me on your widely read blog….Thanks a bunch.

Soulja Boy

It should be noted that I am not one of those Soulja Boy haters who act as is if he is the sole proponent of “bad” music. He is just a kid who is simply having fun making songs about Superman and other childish things. No, I do not blame the seventeen year old rap Superstar…But I do blame the idiots who buy his music (not sorry if that includes you). However that is not the reason he made the list. All I can say is “YAHHH!!!!!”

Quite possibly the dumbest video of all time. There are so many issues here it could stand alone as it’s own post…and he has the audacity to tell a kid to stay in school…smh. Furthermore me and my roommate Zay def had the “Throw Some D’s/Report Card” idea way back during our freshman year after a fantastic first semester. So he’s a biter as well…that’s messed up homie. Well at least there is one kid in the world that doesn’t like Soulja Boy.

The Democratic Primary

As I am sure you all know the Democratic Primary is over…wait what?…she quit, but didn’t?….ok it’s now official? Ok well apparently HRC has, quit without conceding, but then actually quit and will know support Obama. Riiiiiight. I mean I don’t like either of you…or the party but do you guys like shooting yourselves in the foot? McCain has this thing locked up considering he doesn’t have to campaign if his enemy implodes. But, hey would the Centrist Party be any better than the Republicans…not really. Because of this dreadfully slow process I have had to endure endless streams of media sound bytes of Rev. Wright, that random white priest and Hillary’s laugh…each of which played on some forms of racism, sexism and prejudice that has been simply annoying and inappropriate. You all are also creating a really big issue by inciting supporters that I’m going to be punching directly in the gut come September on campus.

She actually does look a bit like the Geico Lizard…I suppose that’s what happens when you lose your mind and decide not to concede things that you have admittedly already lost…clown.

This leads me to my next issue…

Obama/HRC Supporters

Listen voting is cool…I guess. If you want people to vote that’s fine, but don’t push you’re politics on me in the process. I mean when I tell you that I am a Republican (this is for you silly Obama supporter outside of my beloved Qdoba) don’t ask me if I want to change my party affiliation. Don’t be “that” guy. I mean the fact that I even feel the need to tell these people that I am a Republican (registered Democrat by default of my laziness to switch to Independent) shows the insanity of the Democratic supporters who will most likely hibernate in their apolitical caves for the next four years. You supporters are crazy. Plain and simple.

I didn’t realize that white people were facing so much bigotry and hatred…sorry to hear that guys…smh.

This again does not go to all supporters. Just the one’s that claim to like these candidate’s politics when they have absolutely no real facts to back that up. I am also talking about those who do know their politics (I’m talking to you Michael “Progressive” Moore) and still back them despite the fact that they are about as left as the number “5” on a scale of 1-10. For the most part this solely applies to Obama supporters as those are mostly where all the young people have aligned. Listen, just come out and say you’re voting for him because he’s black…or because he brushed his shoulders off…or you just like the hype and euphoria. Hey opiates (or abstract campaigns in this case) are cool, man…I dig that. It’s like people favoring Slick Willy Clinton because he was a “pimp”. That’s fine (sort of) but don’t tell me he was the first “black” president when he wasn’t any better than “Hollywood” Reagan. As for Obama, don’t tell me you like his anti-war politics…because they’re not anti-war politics. Instead, tell me that “Hope” and “Change” make you happy. While you will still be a silly character, your silliness will be grounded in fact as opposed to some made up political posturing done by any of these politicians.

Alice Walker

Sister Alice with her “comrade”, Rebecca…I guess that Alice felt that ironing her shirt was sexist as well.

Ah yes the wonderful black writer and feminist, Alice Walker. Let me tell you something Sister Walker, disregarding your child is not ballin’. Treating your daughter like your “sister in the struggle” instead of…oh I don’t know…YOUR DAUGHTER is not cool. I don’t care how “progressive” you think you are; being an terrible mother is not what’s hot in the streets. If you have no clue what I’m talking about peep this article with Rebecca Walker, daughter of Sister Walker. Now I don’t claim to know much about feminist thought, but I pray it does not fall into the “motherhood is servitude” rhetoric of Walker. Now, I’m a considerably reasonable hater so let’s suppose that Ms. Walker is right. Bearing children is problematic. By that rationale, sustainability of life on this planet is inherently sexist. You Ms. Walker get two head shakes…and a sigh.

White people that call me Obama

Due to some of my more bourgeoisie tastes (golfing, symphony, hockey…next year Pens!) as well as my white-collar job, I have been enamored with white people on a level only comparable to my private school experience. Back then I brushed off the endless comparisons to other black people (The Real World’s Teck, Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, any white-friendly black person). However, being around more black people at college has led me astray from the silliness of reckless white people. So being back in the world of white privilege has allowed me to experience being called Obama by every white man, woman, boy and girl.

Bush petting an “educated” black man…adds to his collection of safe black people.

The story is always the same:

1. White individual asks if I am in school (gotta ask the black man).

2. Then they ask where. I reply “Penn”, which leads to the “Which branch?” “No Not Penn State”…”Oh main campus”….”No University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia”.

3. Then there is the moment of revelation as they realize that, I a black male attends an ivy-league institution.

4. And like a child on Christmas morning, the white individual’s face glows with benevolent glee at the assimilated negro.

5. “What are you studying young man”…“Political Science and then hopefully law school.”

6. With a small chuckle they reply every time, “Oh you’re going to be the next Obama…Yessir. Has anyone ever told you that you look just like him”.

Just so everyone knows, outside of Eric, I hate all white people. Disregard all of the white women on my Facebook wall and my text message log and my ummm…myspace….but yeah I hate them all.

Spoken Word Artists

Spoken Word has had me shaking my head so much this year my neck is sore. In my time engaging with spoken word much of it is just silly and contrived, as if a poems about black people are going to start the revolution. I’m pretty confident that Che Guevara and his work in blood did a bit more than the entire “revolutionary” activity of every poet to ever do “Def Poetry” since 2002. Spoken Word has blown up quite a bit recently, which has led to it becoming pretty damn cliché, kind of like hip-hop. This makes sense considering it is a lot easier to spit revolutionary rhetoric instead of actually participating in revolutionary activities. Another issue I have comes from the fact that it is so damn sad…Is anybody happy anymore. Every time I hear some spoken word it’s has all of the gleeful charm of a wrist-cutting emo show. I’ve always thought about becoming a legitimate spoken word artist and write about my loving family and happiness towards life. My career, of course, would be short lived because I don’t have any issues with my dad (we golf together now and he even hugs me *pause*), I was never raped or molested by a priest, I find Black Nationalism silly and “black is perfect” ideology to be counterintuitive, I have a relatively concrete political perspective that I couldn’t summarize in 16 bars and finally I just don’t like waving my hands in the air as I stand on the verge of tears…sorry.

One of my favorite poets…Darius Lovehall…is not even real. Yes people, Spoken Word has gotten to the point where I like fictional characters more than the real thing.

But again not all spoken word artists make me shake my head. I like Gil Scott-Heron (cliché) and newer artists like Staceyann Chin (modern cliché) or Saul Williams but they’re real and not about making people go “oooh” and snap their fingers. I like that.

Kimberly Alexander (The Real World Hollywood)

So the focus of this season of the (in)famous MTV “reality” show has been the interesting behavior of Greg Halstead. Known for his arrogant antics and cleverly laid pranks, Greg has become the vilified member of the house. It should be understood that while Greg has done some heinous acts, he has also performed his stunts in a particularly interesting way, generally as a reactionary measure to a previous altercation with one of his house mates. A particular story arc plays out with Greg being asked to clean up the grease in the kitchen. Greg does clean up…with their toothbrushes. For good measure he cleans the bottom of his sandals as well, just to let them know that they are beneath him. A despicable act indeed, but with a very clever idea behind it. However, when house mate Will decides to make one of the most rudimentary retaliatory moves in history by engaging in sexual acts with Greg’s girlfriend, no one seems to care. Furthermore when Will, spews homophobic epithets at Greg and positions them around the death of Greg’s father no one outside of housemate Brianna (voice of reason) seems to care.

An ethnically ambiguous girl? Must have been like winning the racial commentary lottery…so many slurs, so little time for Ms. WASP 2008, Kim Alexander.

However, the most ridiculous and underplayed character in the house would be the Southern Belle, Kim. While I prefer not to simply call people “racist”, Kim clearly has some racial issues. This season finds Kim telling ethnically-ambiguous house mate Brianna, “Let’s not get ghetto”, several times during an altercation outside of the house. She furthermore goes on to attack Brianna, for her former occupation of stripping, in one of the most disgusting displays of condescension and judgment. She then goes on to say, “I don’t care if you’re from the most inner-city…Blackville, you don’t act like that.” I don’t think that Kim has any prejudice in her heart…yeah and I saw David Duke at Roscoe’s House of Chicken ‘n’ Waffles last week.

PETA

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. You know I don’t think that animal cruelty is right. You shouldn’t kick a dog. That’s bad. But I’ll be damned if you tell me not to eat cow. Maybe they shouldn’t treat the animals like crap in a slaughterhouse. Point. Or maybe cows should step their game up. All I’m saying is PETA is fighting for these lame animals who need to step it up on an evolutionary level. We as people are higher on the food chain so we have the right to eat them. Again I don’t advocate beating animals, but I’m no vegan. While I kid, PETA, in a facetious way (slightly); I do have a serious issue. My problem is…your entire mission. Prime example: The Michael Vick case.

Mos Def: Smarter than everyone in PETA, even while high…fantastic.

Now my problem is the fact that you all are some of the most dedicated, hard working, tireless individuals in the world and yet you choose to fight for animals. Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Hey, PETA I know that animals are getting killed, but so are people…in Iraq…a lot of people. You all talk about ethics and yet, you disregard the atrocities of the wars that have killed countless lives. Am I putting a human life above an animals…YES! That is the problem with you PETA people. You have this ridiculous and slightly questionable/illegal affinity for animals that consider them on the level of humanity. That is stupid and you know it. So, unless you plan to procreate with the dog you saved from that abusive animal shelter, I suggest you get a cause that involves the betterment of people and not beings who aren’t even smart enough to realize that they’re chasing their own tail.

The Notorious G.O.D.

Sorry Google didn’t have a real picture of God…you know if you heard the voice of God, it would sound just like Morgan Freeman though.

Dear Lord,

I understand that you are the Supreme Being and love all of your creations…but come on. The fact that this list exists is on your shoulders. So you’re telling me that you can burn bushes and talk to animals and do all kind of really cool baller stuff…and yet you can’t shut Hillary up. You can lead Moses and the Israelites out of bondage and yet you can’t deliver me from the silliness of white people; although the Obama supporters sometimes have this strange locust feel to them. All I’m saying is, that if I was the “all-knowing” I would realize how silly my people are and throw down some plagues or something. Get Old Testament on these characters and just start start smiting people again. This is no disrespect, God, because you know I’m down with you (BFFs) but you get a couple of head shakes for allowing these things to pass. You speak it and it shall be done, huh? All I’m asking for is a bit of help down here. I mean you made Prince…and iTunes and my parents…and Kim from the Real World? Well you’re the omniscient one not me. So how about you tell me which one doesn’t fit…Kim…yeah that’s what I thought. I’m just saying God…I’m just saying…

Well lot’s of love and ummmm…God Bless? I’ll see you later (or maybe you”ll see me Mr. Omnipresent, jk jk lol) But we’ll def talk later. In your name I pray. Amen.